I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
