I can tuck mytits in my pants
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
