forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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