Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
