The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
