I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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