a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
