I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
