I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
