Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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