Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
