forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
