oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
