Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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