My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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