Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
