Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
