three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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