Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
