margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
