Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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