If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
