it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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