I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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