I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
