Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
