be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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