tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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