Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Houston, we have a squirter
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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