i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
