so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
