I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
