you guys were way drunker than both of me
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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