it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
