I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
