He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
