My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
