I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
