the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
