Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
my shit smells like andre
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
