Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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