Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
