I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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