My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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