Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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