he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
My liver is preforming stress tests.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
