dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
