Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
