You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
