Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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