mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
vagina is talking i cant
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I am naked and annoyed.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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