I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Randomize
