if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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