Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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