I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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