i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Randomize
