i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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