he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
